The JonnyFunFun Network

Blizzard Entertainment’s non-existent support

JonnyFunFun — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 14:19:11 +0000

So I am one of the unfortunate souls who have at one point in their lives sold their lives to Blizzard Entertainment and their gaming “sensation” known as World of Warcraft. I’m also sure that I’m not the only one who has realized that for the $14+ you spend every month you get absolutely no customer support at all. Give them a call on the phone: they’re always “experiencing a high call volume” and can’t place you in their queue. So they hang up on you. Send them an email: you’ll wait more than a week for a response. You’ll also be gambling that the response you get even does anything at all to solve your issue. Call the support line the second they open: they’re already experiencing a high volume of calls.

So seriously Blizzard, what do I get for my $15.17 (after taxes and whatever other bullshit you charge me for)? If I’m paying a subscription fee for something, I expect to get at least some inkling of support. Not with you apparently. My fees must go right into someones bank account. They clearly don’t go anywhere towards support reps or a Helpdesk that works.

So let me tell you what my first step is going to be when I get access to my account again is: stop paying for it. I don’t give a shit if a new expansion is coming out soon, or if the sequel to my favorite RTS comes out in less than a month, I refuse to give Blizzard any of my hard earned money for a product you can’t ever get any support for. Until you clean up your bullshit you’ve lost a previously loyal customer.

iDitched the iPhone, now iHappy

JonnyFunFun — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 20:19:46 +0000

Yep – that’s right…I ditched my iPhone. More specifically (and significantly more importantly), I ditched AT&T and their shitty service. Now I actually have a phone that works in my home – what a novel friggin concept, right?

Now don’t get me wrong – I’m not dissing the iPhone entirely. It was a great phone to me – when I had service and before I tried out the 4.0 OS. The lack of service in my house, or in anybody’s house, for that matter, was incredibly discouraging and frustrating. It was only a matter of time before I jumped ship.

Earlier in the day on Tuesday, I had found that my iPhone was bricked. Monday night I upgraded to the latest 4.0 beta OS given out by Apple. Wake up Tuesday morning, and I’m bricked. Soooo…I make a simple phone call to AT&T and find out my contract ETF (Early Termination Fee) was under $100. Alright, fair enough, that’ll make the blow less if Apple doesn’t fix my phone. So I make an appointment at the Genius Bar, go to the mall, and walk in to get my phone fixed.

Walking into an Apple store is like walking into a hippie-frat house. They’re so smug and pretentious it makes me puke just to walk in the store (that’s the hippie part). Sure, you’ve got good hardware. Sure, Mac OS X is more stable than Windows. But your shit is so retardedly overpriced it’s not even funny. But anyways, I sign in that I’m there and await my turn. Meanwhile a guy comes in with a MacBook Air to get fixed. They start working on it and he pulls out a Nexus One. This is where the frat part comes in. This guy was like a Alabama Crimson Tide fan walking into the Auburn Tiger’s stadium when the two play one another in the last game for the championship. I mean, everybody was brutal – “oooh, somebody’s got the droid, he’s not cool enough for the iPhone” and a whole slue of other shitty remarks come out from the Apple employees and customers alike. Gag me.

So they come up to fix my phone. They’re going to restore it, great, except for the fact that (and even I knew this) – attempting to restore a 4.0+ device down to 3.1.2 is just going to brick it further. Great job, genius (insert sarcasm). Luckily, I had AppleCare, so he says they’re going to replace it outright. What really got me to switch, though, was what he told me about my “old iPhone 3G” (sic) and the 4.0 OS: ”the 4.0 OS just isn’t designed for old hardware like your iPhone 3G – I’ve got a 3GS right here that you can purchase so you can run the 4.0 OS.” Easy there, trigger – my ass isn’t buying a phone right now, replace my old one.

Seriously? You tell me I shouldn’t run your latest and greatest operating system that says it will work on my phone, because my phone is “too old”? Fuck, the phone is less than 2 years old! Why the hell would I purchase another iPhone just to know that in 2 years Jobs is going to render it obsolete with their shitty OS upgrades. No thank you. I’ll go with a phone and a platform that doesn’t come with all the balls and chains.

Speaking of ball and chain, one of the best things that I’ve found about the Droid so far is the marketplace. Sure, they have a bunch of shitty apps that are just there because any dumb schmuck can pay $20 and piece together tutorials – as opposed, of course, to Apple’s App Store which has the gestapo making sure every app is up to par with Steve’s glorious outlook on life – but at least they’re on a market where the consumer gets to decide the best app for the job. The Android market is true capitalism and laizzes faire. The App Store is simply Apple’s implementation of a dictatorship and a police-state. I’ll take some freedom with my phone, thank you.

This brings me to telling you about my reading through Gizmodo, because I’ve fallen behind, and I saw an article about how AT&T in their infinite-douchedom had to suspend the sales of the iPhone 4 because their ordering system collapsed. I cannot express how little that surprises me, to be perfectly honest. AT&T was the major reason for the demise of the iPhone in the United States. Hell, if I lived in Canada or the EU, I would probably still have an iPhone – because I wouldn’t be jailed to what has got to be one of the shittiest cellular carriers in the world.

So now I have a less than 24-hour old, still brand new with the wrapping still on iPhone 3G 16gb to sell on eBay. The funny part? This two-year old device that won’t run Apple’s latest bullshit iOS will sell on eBay for more than I paid for two brand new Motorola Droids. I consider myself switching from one of the best smartphones on the market powered by the shittiest carrier on the market to another one of the best smartphones on the market powered by the best carrier on the market. If you fanboys want my iPhone so you can continue to be chained to the bullshit that is AT&T, so-be-it. You’ll just be one less retard completely connected to the world – enjoy having your life censored and controlled by Steve Jobs.

A completely true demotivational poster

JonnyFunFun — Fri, 28 May 2010 13:20:21 +0000

I couldn’t resist…because it is so true…

Smack A Boss: Now Available in the App Store!

JonnyFunFun — Tue, 11 May 2010 14:51:57 +0000

That’s right! We’ve finally made it – Smack A Boss is finally available in the App Store! Stay posted on the Vault Head Game’s twitter feed for promo codes for free copies of the game! Check out Vault Head Games‘ flagship app, and my debut in Apple’s App Store:

At the top of The Nethernet

JonnyFunFun — Wed, 05 May 2010 12:16:03 +0000

So I’ve been playing a little PMOG lately called The Nethernet. Anyways, I signed up last year way back when my previous employer didn’t have it blocked by their Nazi Barracuda filter. I only got to reach like a level 3 or something, and then they blocked it. Well now it’s not blocked, so I picked it up again. For those of you who don’t know what it is, it’s a nifty little passive game you play in your browser as you are browsing. From what they say on their website:

The Nethernet lets you play, create and explore vast new layers of the Internet: lay traps, create connections between sites, and gift friends with just a click of a button! Turn your web browsing into an adventure!

Anyways, so yesterday I’m getting rivalries galore – and I asked one of them what the deal was. Turns out I was on the leaderboard for the previous day. Cool – so I log on this morning and check out the leaderboard, and I see that I’m top dog all over the place:

So here’s to me for coming back to a game and rocking the charts! For those of you who want to join me on The Nethernet, do so!

FilePirate Moves to CodePlex – Hoping to be ready for LAN

JonnyFunFun — Mon, 03 May 2010 13:16:09 +0000

After some dealings with Google with regards to FilePirate, and not dealings in a good way – I determined to move FilePirate away from Google Code. What sits there currently will continue to for a couple months, and will be deleted within a few months. So, with that move, FilePirate found its new home on Microsoft’s CodePlex. Now I’m usually not the fan of Microsoft products or projects, but CodePlex is actually pretty cool. Luckily they offer support for a non-crappy SCM solution now that they’ve picked up support for Mercurial. So, the new home for FilePirate is now http://filepirate.codeplex.com/.

With that being said – it is my plan to actively bring FilePirate back into development, and I hope to have it completed for use at this month’s LAN69 – which is May 28-30. If you’d like to see FilePirate in action, sign up for the LAN and get some fragging in as well. We’ve got some awesome prizes, too!

Perhaps The Problem Has Been Identified!

JonnyFunFun — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 12:43:53 +0000

So I got this e-mail from my grandfather the other day and I thought it was so amusing (and true at the same time), that I feel obligated to share it with everybody:

Perhaps the problem is identified…

The Democratic Party has become the Lawyers’ Party.

Barack Obama is a lawyer.

Michelle Obama is a lawyer.

Hillary Clinton is a lawyer.

Bill Clinton is a lawyer.

John Edwards is a lawyer.

Elizabeth Edwards is a lawyer.

Every Democrat nominee since 1984 went to law school (although Gore did not graduate)

Every Democrat vice presidential nominee since 1976, except for Lloyd Bentsen, went to law school.

Look at leaders of the Democrat Party in Congress:

Harry Reid is a lawyer.

Nancy Pelosi is a lawyer.

The Republican Party is different.

President Bush is a businessman.

Vice President Cheney is a businessman.

The leaders of the Republican Revolution:

Newt Gingrich was a history professor.

Tom Delay was an exterminator. Dick Armey was an economist.

House Minority Leader Boehner was a plastic manufacturer.

The former Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist is a heart surgeon.

Who was the last Republican president who was a lawyer? Gerald Ford, who left office 31 years ago and who barely won the Republican nomination as a sitting president, running against Ronald Reagan in 1976. The Republican Party is made up of real people doing real work, who are often the targets of lawyers.

The Democrat Party is made up of lawyers. Democrats mock and scorn men who create wealth, like Bush and Cheney, or who heal the sick, like Frist, or who immerse themselves in history, like Gingrich.

The Lawyers’ Party sees these sorts of people, who provide goods and services that people want, as the enemies of America. And, so we have seen the procession of official enemies, in the eyes of the Lawyers’ Party, grow.

Against whom do Hillary and Obama rail? Pharmaceutical companies, oil companies, hospitals, manufacturers, fast food restaurant chains, large retail businesses, bankers, and anyone producing anything of value in our nation.

This is the natural consequence of viewing everything through the eyes of lawyers. Lawyers solve problems by successfully representing their clients, in this case the American people. Lawyers seek to have new laws passed, they seek to win lawsuits, they press appellate courts to overturn precedent, and lawyers always parse language to favor their side.

Confined to the narrow practice of law, that is fine. But it is an awful way to govern a great nation. When politicians as lawyers begin to view some Americans as clients and other Americans as opposing parties, then the role of the legal system in our life becomes all-consuming. Some Americans become “adverse parties” of our very government. We are not all litigants in some vast social class-action suit. We are citizens of a republic that promises us a great deal of freedom from laws, from courts, and from lawyers.

Today, we are drowning in laws; we are contorted by judicial decisions; we are driven to distraction by omnipresent lawyers in all parts of our once private lives. America has a place for laws and lawyers, but that place is modest and reasonable, not vast and unchecked. When the most important decision for our next president is whom he will appoint to the Supreme Court, the role of lawyers and the law in America is too big. When lawyers use criminal prosecution as a continuation of politics by other means, as happened in the lynching of Scooter Libby and Tom Delay, then the power of lawyers in
America is too great. When House Democrats sue America in order to hamstring our efforts to learn what our enemies are planning to do to us, then the role of litigation in America has become crushing.

We cannot expect the Lawyers’ Party to provide real change, real reform or real hope in America.

Most Americans know that a republic in which every major government action must be blessed by nine unelected judges is not what Washington intended in 1789. Most Americans grasp that we cannot fight a war when ACLU lawsuits snap at the heels of our defenders. Most Americans intuit that more lawyers and judges will not restore declining moral values or spark the spirit of enterprise in our economy.Perhaps Americans will understand that change cannot be brought to our nation by those lawyers who already largely dictate American society and business.

Perhaps Americans will see that hope does not come from the mouths of lawyers but from personal dreams nourished by hard work. Perhaps Americans will embrace the truth that more lawyers with more power will only make our problems worse.

The United States has 5% of the world’s population and 66% of the world’s lawyers! Tort (Legal) reform legislation has been introduced in congress several times in the last several years to limit punitive damages in ridiculous lawsuits such as ’spilling hot coffee on yourself and suing the establishment that sold it to you’ and also to limit punitive damages in huge medical malpractice lawsuits. This legislation has continually been blocked from even being voted on by the Democrat Party. When you see that 97% of the political contributions from the American Trial Lawyers Association goes to the Democrat Party, then you realize who is responsible for our medical and product costs being so high!

Vault Head Game’s Release – It’s (hopefully) REALLY Around the Corner

JonnyFunFun — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 12:42:13 +0000

Okay, so I know I said nearly a month ago (possibly more than a month ago), that Vault Head Game’s first game release is right around the corner. Yeah, obviously, that didn’t happen for reasons you can read in the archive. Well, now we have it all worked out (hopefully), and the release of the game to the App Store should be coming soon. Obviously, I will do my best to keep everybody posted.

Why shouldn’t one grow hopes for the playoffs in The Queen City

JonnyFunFun — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 12:20:08 +0000

We’ve seen it time and time again. One would think we were used to it by now – but we’re suckers, and we always think that “this year is our year.” So amidst not shaving at all, some odd token to show my support for my team – and somebody please explain that one to me, I jump on the Buffalo Bandwagon and think that, well, this is going to be our year. Now I find myself thinking – why should anybody in the Greater Niagara Region (or even the GTA for that matter, since Toronto is out of the playoff picture) have any inkling of hope that “this is our year”?

Last night’s game was a disgrace! I thought game #2 was bad, but at least in game 2 we had the upper hand in at least one period. But last night’s game showed that we have just thrown the towel in. Apparently the Sabres just don’t care about winning the playoffs. The second Bruins goal last night just showed that – if we had skated in a little harder and actually taken the hit along the boards, that centering pass wouldn’t have happened. Even before that we were getting pelted along the boards and nobody was able to stay on their feet. This is the playoffs, guys – skate like you mean it!

Now I don’t want to see anybody go throwing in bull about how we’re missing Vanek. Anybody could have seen Vanek’s getting taken out of the play before the games even started. The Bruins, though they are from the crappiest city in the world, are smart – they knew that dinging Vanek and taking him off the bench was only going to help their cause. We just need to do the same thing back – Buffalo, and the residents of the city, need to learn that going after poor players like Lurch, er, I mean Chara is not going to help them any. Instead, focus your attention on taking out players like Bergeron.

We also need to play a more solid defense – we need to stop relying on Ryan Miller to do all the defensive work for us. He is not an unstoppable god in net, although many of the fans think he is. He’s only human – ask Crosby that. We also need to teach our D not to ice the puck when you have more than 8 seconds on the clock, there’s nobody in front of you, and you’re down by one – that was a dumb move. In that place, you play like it’s the playoffs – you skate the puck down and you take a shot.

Oh, and while we’re on the topic of taking shots – shoot the fucking puck when you’re trying for the equalizer! The puck is not going to go into the net solely from your attempting to fancy-skate around a defense that brought it’s A-game. The Bruins defense after they took the lead was spectacular, and the Sabres, like they always do, were just skating around, looking around, and trying to find the perfect play. Guess what guys – it’s not going to be there – just throw the puck towards the net, hope for a deflection or a rebound, and if it doesn’t go in you wash hands and repeat process.

Now don’t take this as me giving up on my team this early in the playoffs – but unless I see the Sabres throw a physical game, skate hard, and toss shots on goal then I won’t be caring. I want to see a key Bruins player (read above) get pelted and have to run off the ice to the dressing room. It’s evident that we are going to get manhandled like we did a couple years ago, and we are going to have our key players systematically removed from our lineup – dish it right back. Until we learn to endure the pain, Buffalo will continue to remain the only original NHL team that never won the cup.

An Update From The App Review

JonnyFunFun — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 12:45:16 +0000

This is an update to a previous post: A week under fire of the App Review Gestapo

So, guess what I get again? You guessed it! Another phone call from Apple – not surprisingly enough from the exact same guy who called me on the phone the first time. Once again, his message left for me was recorded in Google Voice. Unfortunately for me, while I wanted to record the conversation, Google Voice cannot record calls made through the Click2Call, only on inbound phone calls and he was disturbing me while I was in the middle of rocking out in Rock Band 2 in expert mode. When I called him back, he was as short as he was the first time through – only this time he recognized me, and promptly asked “haven’t we spoken about this app before?” Why yes, Richard, yes we have – in fact, the first time you gave me bullshit about “insinuating workplace violence.” His response: “well it doesn’t look like you changed anything since I last saw it.” “You’re right, Richard. I haven’t changed anything – because I wasn’t properly told what needed to change. So I sent it back in, and that time got a proper response, claiming I was infringing on Mattel’s rights to Whac-A-Mole, and I wrote up a response to that e-mail that went unanswered, so you got it right back in the status quo.”

Well, his response wasn’t what I wanted to hear. “Well, as it stands, we won’t be putting your app in our store until you remove the word ‘Whack’.” That raises the obvious question: why? It’s a common word in the English dictionary is it not? “Well, our legal team feels that the use of the word ‘whack’ when coupled with this style gameplay is infringing on the rights of the owner of the original Whac-A-Mole.”

You obviously never read my e-mail that I sent to you earlier, did you Apple? Is the e-mail address appreview@apple.com simply a black hole? Well from now on I am referring to that address as The Black Hole of Cupertino. After reciting all the rigmarole that existed in my previous e-mail, citing my speaking with members of the Library of Congress, the existing apps on the store, and all the rest of it – he wasn’t budged anywhere: “Well this is where we stand. Also, why is it that you are so reluctant to change the name of your app? We’re just asking that you remove the word ‘whack’ and replace it with something else like ’smack’ or ‘bop’.”

I think the answer to that is pretty obvious: because it’s my app. It is not yours. You have no control over what I do with my property. Secondly, because the word ‘whack’ is in no way copyrighted or trademarked by anybody. Unless tomorrow Merriam-Webster decides that they’re going to sue everybody for the use of the English language – then the name of my application should have no bearing on your decision. Furthermore, as I had said numerous times before – they do not own the rights to the gameplay! If they did, then why isn’t the family of the creator of the first ever board game, Elizabeth Magie, getting paid billions of dollars from anybody who has ever made a board game? Because gameplay is not a copyrightable or trademarkable commodity! If you had actually read my e-mails, Apple, then you would know my position on this!

“Well, we feel that this is infringing at any rate on Mattel, the owners of Whac-A-Mole.” Fine – make me pull out the next wad of guns that I have: “Well fine then, Richard, we won’t call it original work. We can call it a derivative work. We can then call it a derivative work protected under various US laws – here, ready, go grab a pen.” Yes, I seriously had him go and grab a pen and write this down. “Why don’t you cite off to your precious legal team 17 USC sections 101, 102a, 103b, 106; and while they’re at it they can read the Copyright Office’s circular 14 – also about derivative works.” “Well okay, I will pass this along to our legal team, but I must tell you this is going to be a long process, you’re better off just removing the word ‘whack’ from the name of your app.”

You’re just not getting me yet Richard, are you? Are you just muting the phone every time it is my turn to talk? Or are you seriously just that dense? “No, Richard, I am not changing the name of my app.” He has to ask the dumb question: “why?” “I already answered that for you, weren’t you listening?” “Well yes, you said because you made it and don’t want us telling you what to do – but you did agree to the developer agreement when you signed up, and we’re not going to change the rules just because you think so.”

Yes, I agreed to the developer agreement, and along with that I paid $99. And what do I get for that $99? I want my e-mails answered, I want my questions answered, and I want at least some inkling of fucking support! So, at this point, I want to talk to a manager. His response was priceless: “well I can put you down on the list and a manager will call you back in a couple of days.” Unacceptable. Purely unacceptable. “I want to speak to a manager right now.” “Well that can’t happen.”

At this point, I’m furious. I spew the US laws on derivative works at him again, also tell him that my application, named Whack The Boss is already at the US Copyright office – yes, I had already applied for a copyright, so why don’t you pass my copyright case number along to your legal hounds as well. “Well I will do that. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

“Yes, Richard. There actually is something else you can help me with today. Why, when I send a question in via e-mail, do I not get a response?” “Well I don’t actually get the e-mails, so I have no idea.” Wait a minute – so you can send me e-mails but I cannot send you an e-mail? So the app review process is a one-way street? That’s great, but now that he has successfully pissed me off – it’s time for me to piss him off. This linguistic barrage is best displayed listed out:

Me: Richard, I’ve got to say – my entire team, including myself, are very upset and disappointed with this iPhone developers program, specifically this app review process. This is nothing more than a blatant stifling of creativity on par with the Nazis burning books.

Him: Well, sir, I don’t particularly see the app review process like burning books.

(Note that he doesn’t say anything about how he doesn’t see a resemblance to the Nazis)

Me: You’re right, Richard – it’s more like the Nazis trying to shape the world.

And silence hits the other end of the phone. For a second I thought he had hung up. Nope, he was just letting it sink in. That’s right, let it sink in. Let the truth sting a little – because that is all the app review process is – Apple trying to shape the world and mold it into what Steve Jobs thinks is best. And I’m not the guy who likes to be told what’s best for me, or what I need to name my fucking product – especially if it is coming from a man like Steve Jobs, who has got to be suffering from the end of syphilis. He is going insane with power, and that insanity and corruption has leaked down to his review team. And so the saga of my fighting for my perfectly original, legitimate, and awesome app to get on Apple’s almighty-second-coming-of-Christ-platform continues.

Oh, by the way Apple – when I replaced the binary – I didn’t make any changes. Have fun reviewing the exact same application over and over and over again.