Now for those of you who don’t know why there have not been any updates in the past month, let me tell you why:  I started a new job, and although it’s an hour drive one-way each day, it’s a good one and it pays me well.  One thing that I had to share, however, is a little joke that has been running through my head for the longest time.

Now in case you’re one of the lazy sacks of shit that don’t go out and get a job and instead live like a leech sucking money from my paycheck each and every week on a tax line called “Social Security,” there is one thing you have to do for each job you want to start: an interview.

So I go in for my interview for this job and, generally, all is well.  They’re asking technical questions and assessing my ability to do programming.  Okay, rightfully so – it’s a programming job.  But then they start to get into the “character trait” questions where they ask you things to get a feel for what kind of person you are.

Now has anybody else gotten this question before: “what did your last job teach you?”  What sort of question is that?  I mean, how are you supposed to answer that, honestly?  Am I supposed to say, “it tought me to be tight on money” or “it tought me how to prioritize which bills pay late”?  My favorite, which is the scenario that ran through my head at that exact moment, I will play out for you here:

Them:  What did your last job teach you?

Me:  Not to shit on my own time.

Them:  Oh, I see, so it tought you time management.  You learned to use your time outside of work wisely and efficiently.  Very interesting.

Me:  No.  It tought me not to sit on the toilet and shit on my own time.

My response, and a giant sack of B.S.:  ”it tought me to be a team player and how to properly deal with clients and customers.”  Crisis averted.

Disclaimer: names and other identifying information has been removed from this post to protect the not-so-innocent (i.e. – previous employer(s))